After seeing this post over at RIUVA, I realized that… HAHA OH WOW, A LOT OF YOU ARE LOSERS.
JESUS.
But you want to know the honest truth? Female otaku aren’t any different.
For every awkward, basement-dwelling, faps-to-loli, CG set-collecting, ugly loser male, there is an Inuyasha-loving, yaoi-worshipping, squealing, fat loser female. But honestly, in my experience, although there are many undesirable male AND female prospects out there, there are always a few viable options.
Finding someone with similar interests really isn’t hard, what with conventions, the internet, and local anime clubs and groups and such. But if you do find a girl you’re really crazy about who likes a lot of the shows you watch or even digs a lot of the porn you dig (and a lot of us DO like porn, porn BESIDES yaoi), you’ll never have the exact same interests. And I think that’s a major problem with otaku, male and female; a lot of the ones I’ve come across expect their possible romantic or sexual interests to be perfect in every aspect and/or to be exactly like themselves. Everyone’s got a certain amount of prerequisites for relationships, but a good deal of otaku seem to have unrealistic expectations.
If you’re looking for actual companionship and wonder why you’re cold and alone in your mother’s basement, then here’s my advice to you:
- Sort out your priorities beforehand. That is to say, before you start looking for a girl, you should have a general idea of what you’re looking for. In my opinion, it’s easier to sort out what you’re NOT looking for, or, what kind of series she can’t like (INUYASHA, NARUTO, ETC.) or what kind of opinions would clash harshly with your own, etc.
- Ask yourself: what do YOU have to offer? There are plenty of useless idiots out there, so what makes you different from them? Maybe you’ve got nice hair, or you’re really good at fixing televisions, or you’ve got telekinesis, or your father is the emperor of Britannia, or, how about anime/manga/Japanese culture/Japanese knowledge? You’ve got to work with what you’ve got, and chances are that you have SOMETHING to work with–if you don’t, then man, improve your fucking self. And remember, this is what you have to offer, something useful you have to give the other person, and as such, you shouldn’t be arrogant about it. Because that’s really, really unattractive. Which brings me to….
- Confidence: DO YOU HAVE IT, MOTHERFUCKER? If you don’t have enough of it, everyone will outright think you are a pussy and a drain on society. If you’ve got too much of it, you will repel other people entirely. Personally, I define confidence as knowing that there are people who are probably much uglier/dumber/etc. than you, but at the same time, there are probably d00dz who are much more awesome than you are; it’s knowing that you’ve got something to offer, that you’re not a useless sack of shit, but being humble about it.
- Realize that you’ve got flaws and that she’ll have flaws, too. Come on, let’s be honest. The majority of people in any hobby or situation are outright average looking. You could be in bed with the hottest chick on Earth, but would it matter if she was a brainless twit? Yeah, sure, a lot of guys would say, “I WOULDN’T CARE IF SHE COULD PUT TOGETHER A COHERENT SENTENCE AS LONG AS I COULD FUCK HER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.” But really, wanting to screw a girl because of the person she is rather than what she looks like is much more rewarding sexually and will continue to be throughout your lives if you wind up staying together.
Plus, chances are that even if she’s got zits or is on the chubby side, you’ve got bacne or a micropenis or something. And even if you don’t, my point is that your focus shouldn’t necessarily be on the physical, and that double standards are very unfair.
- Before we’re males or females, we’re humans. Just because she’s got a vagooo doesn’t mean that she’s an alien species. For both males and females, there are a lot of stupid ones, but don’t let one dumb chick or one asshole guy take away your regard or respect for either gender. Just like guys, women like conversation, like people who treat them with respect, like sex, and if you find a hardcore otaku girl, she’ll probably like (AND UNDERSTAND) moe, figures, and maybe even PORN (if you don’t believe me, I’ll take screenshots of my CG set folder upon request).
The key to forming a lasting relationship with anybody is not being afraid to be honest (but tactful), encouraging the other person to be honest as well, and trusting each other. Common interests are important, or at least a foundation of friendship is. And the real trick to getting an anime-loving girlfriend, or really, ANY girlfriend? Just being a decent person. If you’re going to insult her for being a woman or constantly offend her, then why would she want to be with you? Conversely, if she constantly did or said things to hurt you, would you want to be with her? There’s a difference between being able to joke around and being an obnoxious bastard with no tact.
And honestly, if you just talk to girls and treat them like humans, it shouldn’t be too hard to find a nice one. Hell, I did without even trying–well, not a girl, but humor me. How I did it? We met through some mutual friends at a small local convention. After that, we talked on the internet for a few months (as friends) before I made the first move. What attracted me to him? The fact that I was a n00b, but he was always patient and attentive in explaining anime references to me; that he’s extremely knowledgeable but not arrogant; that he has a sense of humor, but knows when to stop; that although he’s into anime, he’s got a variety of OTHER interests; that we’ve got so much in common that we’ve ALWAYS got something to talk about; and, really, the friendship we have together. LEARN FROM THIS EXAMPLE.
So, yeah, that’s my ~female otaku~ take on relationships. I’m open to questions, serious or otherwise, so have at it! :D
Wooorddd up homegirl
Nicely done! As another female otaku, I agree with what you have written for the most part. Honestly I find it sort of sad that people are so paranoid about showing off their questionable hobbies/collections to someone they’re interested in. I mean I can see being cautious of it but not to a point where you’re afraid to even say one word about it. You wouldn’t want to form a relationship built on that sort of foundation anyway.
I like yaoi and hentai, got no huge problem with lolicon (within limits) and really don’t have any problem in general with any type of anime related hobbies (since I got them myself lol). My boyfriend does like anime but he’s not really as into it as I am, but he has no problem with me liking yaoi or anything and I feel the same vice versa.
I especially agree with your point about flaws. I always hear guys talk about how to get a -hot- anime-loving/otaku-accepting gf when they’re not all that themselves. Just drop the looks (for the most part) and focus on compatibility. Seriously.
One problem with otaku both male and female: They tend to look for a human coagulation of desirable traits. Before I became really hardcore in anime, I used to date people who I LIKED, not people I felt would be great because they had certain traits.
The only worthwhile part of that article is the Range Murata art.
Anyway, step one for me is to get out of my house for things other than going to work. :(
Yow! Fun stuff!
And according to my experience (which spans many moons, I really am an ojisan), women will almost never like the things about guys which the guys themselves value. Think you’re smart? She likes it when you goof up. Macho? She sees your insecurity & thinks it’s cute. The list goes on -
@Nyx: Yeah! I mean, if you’re seriously considering dating someone long-term, your hobbies are going to come out eventually, and if you’d been up-front in the first place, you wouldn’t have to worry about hiding an important aspect of what you enjoy.
Personally, I loooove me a loli. But not in an overtly sexual way. Like, I think they’re adorable and cute and I want to hold them close to my ample bossom, but could I ever imagine having sex with a kid? HAHAHAHAHAHA–NO. AUGH. My boyfriend knows this and is fine with it, even though he doesn’t dig lolis himself.~
@tj han: I didn’t really date anyone before I was really hardcore into anime, honestly. Although, even if I had met a person who had a bunch of superhax traits, if I didn’t LIKE them, there would be no dice. So I guess, personally, it’s a bit of a combination for me.
@Negs: ;_; You can do it! I BEREEVE IN YOU!
@ojisan: Oh I definitely agree with that. There are little things my boyfriend does that I think are absolutely adorable and endearing that he probably doesn’t even think about. I love it~w>
My problem isn’t a lack of desire, it’s a lack of actual reasons to go anywhere.
When I was at University there was no Anime club. Apparently they had one at one point but their chairman was a scumbag, and they ended up getting de-registered. :( They were trying to start it back up again when I was in the final year of my undergrad course and I tried to join and they couldn’t join me up. :( And then in postgrad I was too busy teaching in my spare time so that I had enough monies to eat. And begin my plastic harem. And what little spare time remained was taken up stealing frames from fansubs and turning them into vector artwork.
Also there is only one con here. I’ve never gone. Every year I plan to but plans fall through or I have to be in another city/country or whatever. You’re lucky where you are. It’s not Australia. :(
So I’m basically I guess I’m a hikkomori :(
It’s alright, I know the plight of the hikikomori very well. I mean personally, I’m no relationship expert or anything, as I was a hikikomori for most of my formative years (home-schooled, didn’t leave the house, nocturnal, never left my room, etc.). But, good luck, and I’m sure you’ll find someone eventually! :3
Great article. A lot of it sounds like plain common sense though, but we need to hear more of it more often. I’m not focusing on obtaining a girlfriend at this moment in time, but this is good info to keep in mind. :3
Nice article here, it really provides a lot of help in terms of relationship advice. I’m just so surprised how accurate it is with my situation, I’m also one of those guys who wishes for companionship, but the main issue I’m facing with is meeting girls in the first place.
I seem to have trouble being able to even start a relationship, so my question is this. What are some good reliable ways to be attractive(or at least pretend to be attractive) in front of women(in all the different types of situations and places I might see them in) so I can actually be able to get their phone # or whatever and utilize the advice given here? I’ve tried talking with women I found attractive but I end up failing constantly. There perhaps might be things I may have missed such as perhaps the knowledge of what the best things to say to meet women are so I guess is there perhaps some sort of hidden thing to it?
@TheBigN: That was what I was aiming for: outlining common sense, the kind of things people should know but tend to forget about. Glad to know that people are getting something out of this! >w<
@Droguza: The thing is, I’ve always found that TRYING to look cool/attractive generally results in coming off like a total nerd. I’d say giving off a calmer, more self-assured air would probably make you look more attractive as opposed to desperate. The short version: just chill out, maaaan; it’ll do a lot of good for you. Also, being able to make light of a situation and being able to make fun of yourself helps.. but that really ties in with ‘chill out.’
Hmmmm… I don’t think there’s some kind of hidden thing you can do or say to get a woman to go out with you. But if you tell me what you generally do to meet and strike up conversations with women, I can definitely give you some pointers and maybe tell you what you’re doing wrong. :3
Well, I don’t think I ever really went up to an attractive girl I didn’t know at all and struck up a convo with her, what usually ends up being the case is I meet her unexpectedly, like she talks with me first and then I get interested in her and try to talk with her more to hopefully start a relationship with her.
But what I guess I generally do is try to seem like what my view of a “normal” person is. I’m one of those anime fans obviously, but the thing is I’m also a metalhead. So I never tell any of that to her. I usually just try small talk like what kind of music she likes or how her day’s been, and I try to make it seem like I’m the complete opposite of the otaku metal 4chan nerd, like I’d say to her I like alternative rock and that I avoid games like WoW saying no way in hell I’d play that since I don’t want to seem like a complete nerd to her. So yeah, basically I’m a nerd who in front of women pretends to be normal. >> And I believe you’re right, I really shouldn’t be pretending to act like something I’m not.
Only problem is I’m rather unsure if girls would like somebody who plays lots of video games and is a 4channer. I keep thinking they’d be repulsed by me due to my interests even if I acted calm about it and not trying to be who I’m not. Nevertheless what I’ve been doing so far hasn’t really been working for me, like I’d ask for their aim, but usually what happens is they either lie about not having it or they give it but not go online for a week since I’ve last met her. I can’t seem to get them to view me as boyfriend material. Got any pointers for me to get out of this ordeal? Thanks in advance
The fact is, you are who you are and you enjoy what you enjoy. I’m sure that you’ll eventually find a girl who’ll ALSO enjoy what you enjoy or will be able to accept your hobbies, but you can’t do that unless you stop being insecure. My /b/rother, there are many girl /b/rothers and nerds out there. And if your goal is companionship, it would be unwise to change yourself into someone you THINK girls would dig. The fact is, we’re only humans, and we generally like people who are, you know, decent. Doesn’t matter what you like or what you’re interested in, and in my experience, you’ll only be discriminated against for being a nerd if the girl you were pursuing wasn’t worth your time anyway.
You don’t have to say, “I’M A NERD I LIKE LOLIS AND DRAGONFORCE FOR THE HORDE TITS OR GTFO!” That would scare the shit out of just about anyone. Instead, don’t be afraid to talk about stuff you like, but just do it in a way that wouldn’t sound creepy. You could say, “You ever heard of Nightwish? I really dig them. ‘ 3 ‘~” or “I really like Japanese animation. You ever seen any?” or.. yeah, I think you get the point.
Dude, you know, just because we have tits doesn’t mean we don’t fap, shoop the woop, liek mudkips, play video games, and all that good stuff. Keep the 4chan shit under wraps though unless you find out that she’s comfortable with it, because frankly, even I, a veteran /b/tard, would be utterly grossed out if I was dating an obsessive 4channer. Just treat us like humans, not any better or worse. I think you’ll do fine, honestly.
Nice to know there really are female 4channers and gamers around :D Thanks, this’ll all be kept in mind in my quest for a girl lol. But seriously I really do appreciate the advice. It seems the truth is best when talking with girls. Imma go give this ‘be yourself’ thing a shot(within reason of course).
hehe that was a really entertaining post! hehe glad I dropped by :p Yeh I’d have to agree with many of your points… as a female fan. Eventho fangirls are different to males…yet we’re not THAT much different. The differences would really be a personal thing rather than a gender thing :p
meh… valid points raised…. sometimes i wish the fanboys wouldn’t make a big deal about these issues… we are human, looking for some sort of escape or extra in our monotonous life… but that doesn’t mean making it your life… and screwing other people up for doing a /b/ ….
oops i dunno where I am going…
cheers!